01. That fic that everyone wanted me to write in the last post. I'm 99% sure it ain't gonna happen.
02. high fidelity AU
This was inspired by a graphic I made one time, but it ultimately did not hold my interest for longer than this paragraph that I found in a doc:
Dan's top five worst breakups, in descending order from least to most horrible, go as follows: Olivia Burke/Nelly Yuki, Vanessa Abrams, Georgina Sparks, Serena van der Woodsen, and – drumroll please – Blair Waldorf. It was possibly unfortunate or possibly lucky that his most recent splitting up didn't make the list, didn't even jump into the top ten. The lack of emotional attachment had something to do with the breaking up of it, surely. But here he was, nearing thirty-two and floundering, formerly certain of the knowledge that he was the kind of creature who would pair off early and remain devoted, like a penguin or a wolf. He always thought he'd marry young, like his own parents had – but Dan had also thought he'd find success young, do everything important in his life in that first flush of youth and here he was languishing and pushing and striving harder than ever with even less payoff. And now he's single on top of it. Alone again, naturally.
03. Dan and Nate Have A Baby
I do not write babyfic. That shit ain't me. I feel like this was a sequel to something but I don't remember now what it was.
"What do we do with her?"
Dan shrugs in answer, mimicking Nate's head tilt. "Raise her in our ways and teach her our language?"
Nate snorts. Despite the joke, Dan does know what he means: they've been so inexplicably given this small person and now something must be done with her.
It's not so inexplicable; not inexplicable at all, really, considering she's been two years coming. Dan would have thought they'd be prepared by now, just from all the expectation and setting up the nursery and baby proofing, everything locked up so complicated it takes Dan five full minutes to get inside a cabinet.
But now, faced with this tiny oddity, it seems absurd that someone would give them a baby at all.
04. Some Carter bullshit.
There's something about her that seems too old for it and too young for it at once but there's no holding her back either way – she does so many shots she can't stop hiccupping, swallows so many pills she probably can't see straight, and Carter finds himself taking her by the elbow to lead her into the bathroom to puke.
"Nice to meet you, beautiful," he says, in between rounds of heaving. "You're a bad girl, huh."
She lifts her pretty head with all its golden hair, looking wan beneath her makeup, and focuses blurring eyes on him for a long moment. Her lips part. He is suddenly on the very edge of his seat, cigarette burning down in his fingers, waiting to see what kind of thing a girl like her will say.
"Yeah," is the long-awaited pronouncement. She blinks. "Could you get me a vodka something?"
Carter thinks right in that moment it's love.
05. Some vampire shit I have literally no memory of & this is all there is of it
Her mouth is close to his ear and her breath is almost cool, certainly inhuman, marking her more than the starlet-poreless skin or preternaturally straight posture. "I remember when you were begging me to turn you," she says. "I remember when you were sick with it, on your knees, and you would have given anything."
Dan rolls his eyes. "Yeah," he says, "And I remember even then you still wouldn't do it."
He feels Blair smile and then she pulls back. "Got here one way or another, didn't you," she says, smile still on her lips, dangerous smile. When Dan first met her, her hair had been very short, in the style of the day, coiffed and curling around her ears. She wore full skirts or narrow pants that cut at her ankle, flat shoes. At the time Dan's curls were fighting pomade, his eyes still required glasses, and he was always a mess, untucked or ink-spotted. Blair was his grandmother's age then. He hadn't known. How could he?
06. Some weird AU where Rhaegar lives, marries Lyanna, and Ned is executed as a traitor way back when so Robb is the only Stark kid & he comes to court; it's Awkward. All that really exists of this fic is a thorough outline that is also totes ridic and about a page of rambling. I suspect I was going for some kinda Anne Boleyn second wife shiz with Lyanna but who can tell now in the year of our lord 2016? Lots of court intrigue; romantic shenans between Robb & Jon & Dany; Viserys trying to kill everyone so he gets to inherit; Lyanna serving some Hard Truths while looking Hot. Everyone still calls Jon a bastard even though he's technically legit.
All of the GoT stuff I found was Robb-based because I have Thirst Priorities and this is all from many years ago.
The room he meets her in is not the throne room, though it's very fine. She sits at a table at the head of the room and rises as he bows. Lyanna looks like what a queen should, Robb thinks. Her smooth dark hair is arranged in the southron way, wreathing her head, a braid spilling over each shoulder. Her diadem is darkly silver, patterned in dragons and wolves. Robb wonders if she looks like his father. Robb is all Tully in appearance, he has nothing of his father in his face – except his expressions sometimes, so his mother claims.
The queen's eyes are dark, hard to read.
"Rise, nephew," she says. Robb does; she studies his face, reaching up familiarly to touch his cheek. "How proud your father would be of how tall and handsome you are."
Robb starts slightly. Only his mother openly references his father to him – no one else dares to.
"And with that Tully hair." Lyanna touches a curl of his hair too, very lightly. She smiles, the barest curve of her mouth. "One could not guess that there was any Stark in you."
Robb doesn't know what to say to that.
"Though to look at my son, one could never guess his father," she continues. "He's all wolf. Are you?"
"Am I?" he echoes, somewhat lost.
"A wolf," she says. She narrows her eyes at him, observing. "I guess we shall see, won't we?"
07. 1980s New Wave AU
Okay this is one I kind of wish I had worked on if only because 80s New Wave is one of the places my heart lives and I thought a lot of this nonsense I came up with was funny. Basically: Robb fronts a band called King In The North (tell me that shit doesn't sound like a New Wave band; that is the whole reason I had this idea in the first place) and he meets Sad Jon Snow who works at the record shop. Jon is kind of overly interested in Robb's family, Robb just wants to fuck him, Sansa dyes her hair neon orange and looks like a boss, Tiny Arya plays the drums, Dany & Viserys are a rival band a la The Misfits and Drogo is her biker boyfriend. Jon and Robb do fuck, but it's also terrible because Robb finds out Jon is adopted and Ned is probs his bio dad and Jon knew this the whole time. Creeptastic!
My notes for this include a playlist (of course) and the inexplicable words "The Smiths + The Yellow Wallpaper." ?????
I was gonna stick an excerpt of this one here too because I am past shame in this arena but there wasn't really anything.
08. A Smash fic??? No memory of this, but it's decent so have it. Again, this is all there is.
Ivy Lynn is not Ivy Lynn, really.
She was born, like so many starlets, under a bad sign, bearing clunky and bland Lynn Desario until her third year in New York. She'd dragged that name from audition to audition, watching eyes go flat and slide off her in boredom before she even finished the -ario. Lynn was one in a million, another chorus girl. Too Italian, they said, which only meant brunette. Full-figured. That only meant fat.
So Ivy Lynn she became, chirping her name as she shrugged off her coat, all beaming smiles and blonde hair. Ivy Lynn, on her resumes and headshots. Ivy Lynn, and people started to remember her, like her.
But she was still just a chorus girl.
And then there comes Karen Cartwright, clunky and bland, dragging with her everything Ivy Lynn gave away. And that's what they like about her, the goddamn little ingenue, green as Iowa grass (Ivy assumes; she's never been to Iowa).
09. A Katie and Cook fic!!!
They were my lowkey ship after I turned on Effy. Katie was always more my speed as a wretched bitch with great clothes. Post-series, Katie works at a bakery & Cook crashes on her sofa post-jail. Everyone has left them behind and they are both highkey bitter about it.
Katie peers out through the blinds before opening the door to him, her mouth tight with annoyance. She's got her dark hair up in a bun on top of her head and a fluffy pink robe clasped shut, hand clutching it up by her neck like a granny. "What the fuck is this then?"
"Emilia kicked me out," Cook says. "Something about disrupting their little lesbian love nest. In a fucking haze ever since, you know? She said I should come here."
Katie stares at him, eyebrows furrowed in blank disbelief. "You're serious?"
"Here ain't I?" He scuffs a shoe along the ground. "Look, just let me know if I can, yeah? Otherwise I gotta hit up Gay Jay, and he's got the little biter and all."
She purses her lips and offers, finally, "Fine. But you're staying on the couch and you keep your fucking kit on."
Cook grins. "Aw, no funsies twin."
10.bible kiss bible
The only Gilmore Girls fic I ever really had any feeling about writing. In it, Lane freaks out post-wedding and runs away. She's still in love with Dave so she plans to head out to Cali but only gets as far as Philly, where she goes knocking on Jess' door. They spend the summer together and end up hooking up. This was actually the first in my Pregnant TV Character Chooses Abortion And Everything Is Better fics. What exists of it is honestly terrible, the voices are all off, but it clearly spoke of Things To Come for me.
Some other nonsense:
+ Glee crossover fics. I counted three in total: a Dan/Jesse St. James fic (some of which I actually ripped off for my Dan/Carter fic, lol; no reason to waste good porn, people); a Dan/Quinn fic; also one where Quinn and Georgina went to Jesus camp together. Self, what?
+ an Uhura/McCoy fic???? I vaguely remember almost shipping that once.
+ a fic about Susan Bones (?????) that I think I started when I was like 16 or 17 and somehow still have. Seamus Finnegan is involved. I don't know.
+ 370 words of Milo showing up on Dan's doorstep when he is a teenager wondering why Dan's name is on his birth certificate
+ some crazy depressing post-s6 Dan/Blair that is decent enough to excerpt but literally just tragedy porn. And I don't mean porn like "they fuck a lot" I mean porn like "this is excessive please stop."
+ Some s5-set, Waitress-inspired blah wherein Dan and Blair get together while she's pregs.
+ That Bachelorette AU. Sorry, sweet fic, you got too complicated and I peaced on you forevermore.
So...there's that? This post is mostly an exercise in me putting off the stuff I am currently working on, lulz, and that shit's ALL SHADOWHUNTERS which is how it's gonna be around here for a bit.