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09. ask me anything: movies I hated + movies that failed my expectations

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anonymous prompted:How about movies you really, really hated? (Or the ones you were excited about, but ended up hating and why?)

Oh dear sweet anon. This is just a selection, I promise there is even more hate lurking in my heart. In no particular order:




A Single Man
I have discussed my hatred of this film before and I don't want to repeat myself too much, but the list would be very incomplete without this on it. This novel is incredibly important to me and the movie had everything going for it in terms of cast, but it was just soulless. It missed the entire POINT of the novel, which, you can loosely adapt works but if you're not going to hit the main thrust/capture the heart of the work, then don't even bother using the same title and character names.



Lost in Translation
I love Sofia Coppola and as of recently I'm come 'round on ScarJo a bit thanks to Natasha, but I just cannot sit through this fucking movie. I've never finished it. I just turn it off because I'm so mind-numbingly bored. ScarJo doesn't even look good in it to distract me from how boring it is. And I don't like Bill Murray, okay. I don't care for him. This is difficult as a Wes Anderson fan, as you could imagine.



Bus Stop
I thought I would like this movie, being a Marilyn fan in general and because whenever I saw pictures from it, the sort of broken down glamor of it REALLY appealed to me. But man alive did I hate this. Marilyn was awful, her voice was SO unbearable – worse than nails on a chalkboard, I do not even get what the fuck she was doing. Plus it was incredibly offensive. I mean, sometimes with old movies you have to brush off some shadiness to allow yourself to enjoy it, but this was BEYOND THE PALE. This guy LITERALLY KIDNAPS MARILYN after she spends the whole movie up to that point avoiding him/turning him down/displaying a complete lack of interest in him. But then blah blah sob stories he learns not to suck supposedly and they end up together? What?



La Belle Persone
Not to be horrible, but this movie was just Too French. It was Too French for me and I love French movies. Everything should be there! Louis Garrel as a sexy languages teacher! How great is that! But instead everything is boring and also terrible! Random suicide for no understandable reason? Louis and Léa Seydoux spend the whole time talking about an affair without ever having one and also without having any chemistry?



My Week With Marilyn
I am quite literally astonished every time I see someone say something positive about Michelle Williams in this role. Now, I like Michelle Williams a lot. I think she is very talented. But she was INCREDIBLY miscast in this movie, insanely horribly nonsensically chosen. Not that that is even the worst thing about this movie! An entire feature film about men in suits talking about Marilyn in rooms. An entire film. As though that wasn't done enough in her life and career, let us also take away her voice in a fucking movie about her. Which is another thing: the movie is from the point of view of some rando dude who likes to have a wank over what a beautiful broken bird Marilyn is? Are you kidding me? As if people didn't fetishize her mental health issues ENOUGH. I would even have been slightly more okay with it if it was about some rando girl and how Marilyn affected her – that would actually be fascinating. But I have literally less than no interest in a bunch of men standing around alternately jerking off to Marilyn (metaphorically speaking) and condemning her for not being what they want. It's boring and frankly embarrassing. Even as a huge Marilyn fan, I would say she is definitely oversaturated in our media, but you'd think just by law of averages at least ONE of those things made about her would do her justice. Honestly, I don't think any of them ever did.

Also the only acceptable actress who could play Marilyn is Christina Hendricks, I will claim this to my dying day.



Midnight in Paris
I hate Woody Allen movies. I always have. Since I was a little kid. Even before discovering the extent to which he is morally reprehensible, couldn't fucking stand his movies. It's something about the cadence of his language that just rubs me the wrong way – Vicky Cristina Barcelona made me want to actually rip my skin off, like I found the dialogue and voiceover that grating. Hoooowever I was drawn into trying this one both out of a real serious crush on Owen Wilson (don't ask) and also the casting of the literary figures seemed pretty cool (the Fitzgeralds were great, I'd watch that movie). But I am clearly allergic to Woody Allen movies because, though my reaction was not as violently hateful as usual, I still came out of the experience with a bad taste in my mouth.



Pierrot Le Fou
I really expected to love this. I love meandering French nonsense! I love roadtrips! I love Anna Karina and Jean Paul Belmondo! But for whatever reason I could not get into it at all and ended up shutting it off before it ended. Blasphemy! But what can you do; I could not emotionally connect.



Beginners
This movie was fine, I guess. I have a long-term love for Ewan, and he was very handsome as usual. The actress whose name escapes me I'm so sorry – she was very lovely too. But it was just TOO hip. You know? It was TOO HIP. It was made in some film major lab in the bowels of NYU to appeal to nineteen year old white children.



The Great Gatsby
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

bye



Stoker
Tumblr sure loved this movie, huh.

Look, I'm a huge Matthew Goode fan. And he was good. Nicole was fine if unremarkable. I don't get how Mia Waskfjdsklfri gets work. I think with a different girl in the lead I probably would have liked it more, because in general I am into stylized dark murderous ambiguous morality tales. But she couldn't carry the movie IMO and it suffered for it. Maybe the fault is with India as a character; I don't know. She just felt like such a void to me. Matthew Goode was playing a relatively similar character but he still imbued it with a lot; I didn't get what was even going on with her half the time, and not in an interesting, exciting way either.



Gangs of New York
Though I consider myself a general fan of Scorsese, I still go back and forth on a lot of his movies. It usually takes me a few viewings to enjoy them (except Taxi Driver, which I loved instantly, and with the exception of Goodfellas, which I hated too much to ever give a second shot to). So even though I hated Gangs of New York for being fucking interminable, I decided to give it another shot in the last year or so just to SEE if I still felt the same. AND GUESS WHAT I DID. Daniel Day was phenomenal of course, but Leo was doing that schtick he does now – you know, that "I'm squinting and frowning a lot because I'm a Serious Actor" thing. Also his accent was absurd. And did I mention it was interminable?



When Harry Met Sally
I know this is supposed to be The Romcom, and when it's on, I'll probably watch it and enjoy it well enough, I suppose. But I don't really like it. I don't really get why it's so iconic. Billy Crystal's whole character skeeves me to be quite honest.



The Hunger Games
I've talked about this before, so. Somewhere in the tags is a whole post about it, I'm lazy, I'm sorry.



Almost Famous
Another film which is a Big Deal but I never got. Why do people like this movie? I don't understand. I don't even mean this in an asshole way, I genuinely do not understand. It's such a non-event to me.



Man of Steel
The only movie I have ever walked out of. I have been a huge Superman fan since I was a little girl thanks to both the cartoon and Lois & Clark, though I have yet to ever connect to one of the films. This one INFURIATED me though. IT WAS SO STUPID. I WAS SO MAD. It was untrue to Superman as a character on the basest level. I guess things can't be interesting unless they're ~~~gritty~~*~*~ and all that fucking nonsense. HE IS A SPACE ALIEN WEARING A CAPE, PLEASE HAVE A FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOR. The only cool character was Clark's bio-mom Lara. Bitch births the first child on her planet in CENTURIES, then personally has to send that child into space without knowing what will really happen to him, watches her husband get murdered by their friend, faces down the murderer in his trial, and then stands calmly on her balcony while her entire world shatters around her because she's already lost everything important in her life. WHAT A BADASS. And yet instead of getting any more of her, I had to watch Russell Crowe run around like the Ghost of Hamlet's Father with 'deux ex machina' practically tattooed on his forehead.

ALSO SUPERMAN DOESN'T KILL PEOPLE IT IS NOT A THING HE DOES.

It was also directed SO POORLY. It was like: Clark opens a door. Shot of the door. Shot of Clark's hand. Shot of Clark's hand opening a door. I KNOW HOW OPENING DOORS WORKS, OKAY, I HAVE DONE IT ONCE OR TWICE. Plus I hate Amy Adams and she was miscast in addition to being poorly written (I knew it was over as soon as her first line was a dick joke, because she's a Cool Girl who tells dick jokes, what a fucking revelation). Lizzy Caplan was clearly put on this earth to play Lois Lane and i hope by putting this into the world I somehow will it into being like I did Pfunk and Jeff Buckley.

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